all my seasoning gone
A Guy Who Lost The Seasoning On His Cast Iron Skillet, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'
Every day somebody says or does something that earns them the scorn of the internet. Here at Digg, as part of our mission to curate what the internet is talking about right now, we rounded up the main characters on Twitter from this past week and held them accountable for their actions.
Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it
— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) January 3, 2019
Here is some warm-up discourse for you, before diving in:
-
The sun used to be yellow, but now it's "white and a weird shape." What's up with that?
-
NYT's PB&J and pickle sandwich recipe - yay or nay?
Tuesday
Paul Stanley
The character: Paul Stanley, member of KISS, confused boomer weirdo, transphobe
The plot: Dee Snider and Paul Stanley are among the two most recent old men, who used to be in rock bands you liked, to come out as transphobes. This extremely tired, horrible take is shared commonly by boomers who cannot imagine a world in which there are more than two genders, and many people simply want to transition. It's a bad look, dangerous, and I don't like it one bit.
Stanley shared a note with a veiled message criticizing people's rights to choose pronouns and their freedom of gender expression, and called it "a sad and dangerous fad."
— Paul Stanley (@PaulStanleyLive) April 30, 2023
The repercussion: So of course he gets ripped to shreds. Naturally, when you put out a weird statement no one asked for, as you’re promoting your reunion tour, people are going to respond. And share photos of you to prove a point. Shut up Paul, you dolt!
This you https://t.co/CVU9uS3wgF pic.twitter.com/cU4j9hWeOT
— eve6 (@Eve6) April 30, 2023
you are the saddest of rock n roll clowns, fucking ratio
— Natalie Wynn ❌ (@ContraPoints) April 30, 2023
I agree, children should only be dressing like this. pic.twitter.com/YsUjBVXVmt
— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) April 30, 2023
I remember when punk rock came along and made you irrelevant the first time.
— steve albini (@electricalWSOP) May 1, 2023
This is a very disappointing take, especially from someone who wore high-heels, makeup, & teased up hair his whole career. As a young kid your band helped teach me that I could be whatever I wanted to be. I guess it was just gimmickry after all. #thatsashame
— Noodles 🍜🎸🤓 (@TheGnudz) April 30, 2023
It's not a "game," you asshole. What you do is a GAME. What they face - internally and now externally due to stupid panicky fascists like you, externally - is an excruciating ordeal.
— Keith Olbermann↙️ (@KeithOlbermann) April 30, 2023
Guy who has made a living off of dressing in platform shoes, sequin outfits with spandex pants, makeup and long hair says pronouns and gender affirming care are dangerous.
— The Emo Dragon (@TheEmoDragon) May 1, 2023
Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons can go sit in a cactus patch! pic.twitter.com/J1ndZTREv8
Adwait Patil
Monday
John McDermott
The character: John McDermott, writer, terrible framer of questions
The plot: There are very few people like John McDermott left on the internet: real, sentient beings who function like they're being instructed by terrible AI prompts. McDermott, who lives in LA, writes for a living, doesn't shut up and has opinions on everything, etc-etc, recently blogged about caffeine addiction and how there's a group of people saying that it should be regulated.
I had to check the calender to see if we were going back in time — we aren't — and to see if this was an actual blog published on Esquire (Substack would've been fine) — and yes, it exists.
The repercussion: Being terminally online will either battle-harden you and make you indestructible, or you become the joke — it all depends on how much time people have and how insufferable you are. Turns out people love caffeine and no one really wanted to hang in McDermott's corner.
This piece is a good example of how decent reporting can be undone by ludicrous framing.
— Derek Thompson (@DKThomp) May 4, 2023
“A small group of non-experts say caffeine is bad and should be regulated, while basically all experts think they’re nuts” should not be framed as a open question about health. https://t.co/1K7tBAVPh2
I am not joking when I say that there would be riots. https://t.co/sUG9xoBcyf
— P.B. Gomez (@NotoriousPBG) May 4, 2023
There's always someone who isn't happy until everything is taken away from everyone else. It's not enough that they abstain. Everyone must abstain.
— Critical Nostalgia (@highway_62) May 3, 2023
It will never ever end. https://t.co/sJN4VZBzAa
This opens with the story of a guy who -thinks- he got sick after years of consuming 250% of the daily recommended dose of of caffeine
— Robert Evans (The Only Robert Evans) (@IwriteOK) May 3, 2023
maybe try not being an idiot and making it everyone else's problem https://t.co/WVRMs8CcKb
A growing contingent of people sucks the joy from life and feasts on bitter sorrow https://t.co/qWbNqsKNMR
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) May 4, 2023
Adwait Patil
Tuesday
Alex Miller
The character: Alex Miller, cast iron skillet owner, household help hirer
The plot: People who choose to cook with cast iron pans instead of stainless steel ones like the rest of us are very precious about them. Specifically, they stress that you're not supposed to wash them like you do other pans; rather, you give them a scrub or a wipe, and let the stuff you've cooked in the pan "season" it. (What happened to just seasoning the food?)
One cast iron skillet owner took to Twitter last week to complain about his cleaner having washed his pan, ridding it of seasoning that he says took a year to accumulate. Listen: I'm sure that's annoying, if you care about those things, but it's not the end of the world — and tweeting about the hired help who was technically just doing their job feels gross.
Spent a year seasoning this guy and a cleaner ran it through the dishwasher pic.twitter.com/SPB3hewdoL
— Alex Miller (@alexlmiller) April 30, 2023
The repercussion: While his replies are largely sympathetic, the quote tweets are a different story.
i see we’re having a “screaming, crying and filling my pants because The Help i pay pennies for are not adhering to my every whim” day on here pic.twitter.com/LJMQzXFWJS
— Roxy (@RoxyTall) May 2, 2023
i spent a year putting marbles in my mouth to see if i could break the world record for “most marbles in mouth” https://t.co/MYPnrXSZuY
— katie (@skatie420) May 1, 2023
Oh no the help washed my pan. https://t.co/LhI6XjtiqB
— Billy (@tractor_owner) May 1, 2023
If anyone complains about their personal help it immediately removes my ability to feel bad for them https://t.co/LcSpGyzQ5T
— butch bubba (@midtowncowboys) May 1, 2023
Nooooo a year of salt and nothin else!! Gone!!!! https://t.co/1CSJepyLO6
— Regular Untitled Joey (@Freshcoralblast) May 1, 2023
one of my favourite things about this app is how people will just freely reveal themselves to be utter cunts with zero prompting whatsoever https://t.co/s4MiE3FtPb
— 𝖗𝖔𝖗𝖞 (@bacchusrights) May 1, 2023
I also hate it when the person i hired to clean my house actually cleans my house. I'll come online and complain about it. https://t.co/Jo69iovBqN
— Nidtendo.txt (@Grammatizator) May 1, 2023
It’s polymerised oil that goes hard like plastic that can be redone in less than an hour.
— Антоний Георгиев (@manthatcooks) May 1, 2023
No idea why people treat seasoning cast iron pans like they’ve stripped down and repainted a ‘57 Chevy deep gloss candy apple red. https://t.co/WDWNVSt09T
Why are you cosplaying the Great Depression just buy stainless steel
— GM Elon Musl-libc (CFA, PHD, MBA, ex-CIA, parody) (@DanielBairdDev) April 30, 2023
Darcy Jimenez
———
Read the previous edition of our One Main Character column, which included a guy who needs his Tweets copy-edited, a billionaire CEO who's angry at people making fun of him, a popular film director who thinks AI will make good movies and another paid Twitter subscriber who thinks actual celebs pay for engagement.
Did we miss a main character from this week? Please send tips to [email protected].