YOU COME AT THE KING, YOU BEST NOT MISS
A Guy Unintentionally Calling His Wife Unattractive, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'
Every day somebody says or does something that earns them the scorn of the internet. Here at Digg, as part of our mission to curate what the internet is talking about right now, we rounded up the main characters on Twitter from this past week and held them accountable for their actions.
Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it
— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) January 3, 2019
This week’s characters include a bunch of dudes — one who thinks his wife is "mid," another who thinks a famous musician is paying for likes, a famous director who thinks AI is going takeover movies, and last but not least, a billionaire CEO still crying about blue checks on Twitter.
And here are some warm-up thoughts for you, before diving in:
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David Lynch coming out as an anti movie-on-phone-guy.
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"Why are millennials such home bodies?" one philosopher asked.
Saturday
Tim Sweeney
The character: Tim Sweeney, Epic Games founder and CEO, not a fan of elite-only systems
The plot: Sweeney, whose name sounds like a character out of an early Guy Ritchie film, was complaining on Twitter about the recent change to blue check marks. The guy whose company made Fortnite was (very) mad that people were doing a "block the blue" campaign to drown out accounts like Sweeney's, or those who paid for a check mark. Of course this angered Sweeney and prompted him to write an essay about how cool kids needs to stop picking on nerds.
People in this #BlockTheBlue pressure campaign are losers and goons. They're the cool kids from junior high who worked to exclude we nerds from cool kid events, plus the losers who joined in to gain cred. The elite-only verification system sucked, been criticizing it since 2018. https://t.co/KSRItcc26l
— Tim Sweeney (@TimSweeneyEpic) April 22, 2023
The repercussion: Doesn't Sweeney have bigger problems, like making sure you don't union bust your employees? Sweeney thinks he's the nerd in this equation, and the cool losers are picking on him. No one cares who you are mate, it's about how long you can keep up online — and it looks like you're not built for this battle royale.
I'm so sorry you are being bullied by the elites Tim https://t.co/9VpfiGWwHH pic.twitter.com/TiNIaM45S2
— arturo182 (@arturo182) April 22, 2023
Wild as hell when people just lay out the time in life they got stuck in. https://t.co/Q5OA6Wamim
— Vampire Hunter D Scifi 97 VHS (@bombsfall) April 22, 2023
You're 50, why are you still stuck on jr high?
— Donny Durrr (@DonnyDurrr) April 22, 2023
Say it with me everyone pic.twitter.com/31SFHcRRSI
— TransRamonaFlowers (@TransRamona) April 22, 2023
tim weenie https://t.co/8kMhIkEmSy
— Injecting the Wal-Mart Steak With The Flu Vaccine (@KrisWolfheart) April 22, 2023
excuse me, i will not let this libel that i was somehow cool in junior high stand https://t.co/zmDwFnY6s9
— hannah gais (@hannahgais) April 22, 2023
Adwait Patil
Tuesday
Charlie Carrel
The character: Charlie Carrel, guy who runs a charity, plays poker and thinks Steve Albini pays for online engagement
The plot: Steve Albini is a cool guy. I saw him play with Shellac, back in 2014, and they crushed it. Albini is also a vocal Twitter user and supports various causes that he thinks are worth fighting for, like calling bigots out on their transphobia online. Newly minted Twitter subscriber Charlie Carrel got into a quarrel with Albini, and was astonished that Albini, who doesn't pay for Twitter, was eating him up in engagement. So much so that he thought Steve was using all the money he made from producing records to pay for his likes.
This guy is paying for likes and follows, right?
— Charlie Carrel (@Charlie_Carrel) April 25, 2023
Engagement analytics on this are nonsensical. https://t.co/uxcqlfWxAm
The repercussion: Carrel is just the tip of the iceberg. He's indicative of the naive population of users who thought buying a blue check mark would automatically turn them into god-tier posters, when it reality it's just amplifying their stupidity.
Why would people naturally want to hear from the guy who worked on records by Nirvana, Pixes, PJ Harvey, Breeders, Hum, Failure, Helmet, and, most importantly, Bush's Razorblade suitcase, and not me, the guy with $8? https://t.co/tMZwU5YFNR
— luke (@lukeoneil47) April 25, 2023
how is the popular musician Steve Albini getting more engagement than me, someone who paid for twitter and is bad at posting https://t.co/fy9A7WrL7P
— god emperor jt (@jt_butthead) April 25, 2023
Your like:view ratio is out of this world - multitudes higher than the most successful people on the platform. And it was subtweet.
— Charlie Carrel (@Charlie_Carrel) April 25, 2023
Either you're lying, or your brainless, woke nonsense organically outperforms every other creator for some reason.
yes charlie steve has paid me for likes and follows. he also paid me $200 for a vinyl copy of ‘gaucho’
— the kendal mintcake. (@MintcakeTime) April 25, 2023
nah man everyone just agrees with him that your posts suck
— lauren (@NotABigJerk) April 25, 2023
Adwait Patil
Monday
Joe Russo
The character: Joe Russo, director, hot take connoisseur
The plot: Joe Russo gave an interview and, much like several other times recently, said something the internet did not like or agree with. He has some takes that are beyond scorching hot — they’re just bad/weird/dumb — like this one, where he says that AI is going to help "engineer" movies.
Joe Russo says AI will be used to “engineer storytelling” in movies.
— Film Updates (@FilmUpdates) April 24, 2023
“You could save the AI on your streaming platform. ‘I want a rom-com starring my avatar and Marilyn Monroe's avatar,’ and it renders a story with dialogue that mimics your voice.”
(https://t.co/ew7OwWOs28) pic.twitter.com/p5JU7CyqKN
The repercussion: AI makes me groan, and having this guy (with my last name!) celebrating it is so depressing. Just a horrible career turn after doing “Avengers: Endgame” akin to the heel turn Hulk Hogan did when he became a bad guy and attacked Macho Man Randy Savage back in the WCW days.
Joe Russo says AI will be used to “engineer storytelling” in movies.
— Film Updates (@FilmUpdates) April 24, 2023
“You could save the AI on your streaming platform. ‘I want a rom-com starring my avatar and Marilyn Monroe's avatar,’ and it renders a story with dialogue that mimics your voice.”
(https://t.co/ew7OwWOs28) pic.twitter.com/p5JU7CyqKN
Joe Russo absolutely knows hate clicks are just clicks.
— Da7e Gonzales (@Da7e) April 24, 2023
It’s easy to forget Joe Russo is an incredible tv comedy director when he’s constantly working so hard to be a humorless tech bro with the worst takes in the world https://t.co/doff1nrwQp
— Patrick Willems (@patrickhwillems) April 24, 2023
I'll give him this much -- it'd be an improvement on movies made by Joe Russo. https://t.co/wXSDtSBYY2
— Gretchen Felker-Martin (@scumbelievable) April 24, 2023
every photographer who has ever taken a picture of him seems to be laboring under the delusion that Joe Russo is cool pic.twitter.com/94yI6aygXh
— BILL RYAN (@faceyouhate) April 24, 2023
Joe Russo's embrace of AI-generated filmmaking is, to put it kindly, fucked. https://t.co/Mh0UjXAGTQ
— Jeremy Smith (@mrbeaks) April 25, 2023
martin scorsese when he sees joe russo pic.twitter.com/1FF0Yzf51W https://t.co/C0gPXdDHSl
— 𝐿🌻 (@yvettev1ckers) April 24, 2023
We are getting into full “web3 will change everything!!!” mode here with AI
— Paul Tassi (@PaulTassi) April 25, 2023
Joe Russo: “yeah just have the AI turn the Horror Dial up in Fortnite to make it scarier” pic.twitter.com/jrzZ6QXGPa
The more I think about this, the weirder it becomes that Joe Russo’s first thought on how to use AI is “relax after a hard day by watching a rom-com starring Marilyn Monroe and me, Joe Russo” https://t.co/KBpILdfNNe
— Alex Zalben (@azalben) April 24, 2023
Joe Russo believes the robot from the jetsons will be a reality soon.
— Claire Penis (@ZeroSuitCamus) April 26, 2023
“You could tell the robot from the jetsons ‘give me head right now’ and she would have to do it and you wouldn’t even have to feel bad because it’s a robot” https://t.co/Q3ea2WSgmw pic.twitter.com/4zY1aNjy0E
Jared Russo
Tuesday
Ben Askren
The character: Funky, AKA Ben Askren, mixed martial artist and clumsy tweeter
The plot: Ben Askren, an MMA fighter and amateur wrestler, accidentally became one of this week's main characters when he tweeted about his wife on Tuesday.
I’ve seen some guys posting on social media lately about how they are winning bc their wife is attractive, while I don’t disagree I think finding a wife who is a great mother is 500% more important!!! Thanks @Abamaby for being such a great mom to our kids. pic.twitter.com/6lxb9Ybg66
— Funky (@Benaskren) April 25, 2023
Now, Askren obviously didn't write the tweet with the intention of calling his wife unattractive, but I think we can all agree it could've been worded better. Askren posted a series of clarifying tweets afterwards, including the one below, but by then it was too late — people were already making fun of him and accusing him of calling his wife "mid."
She’s not insecure and I don’t need to state the obvious! #beatitlosers pic.twitter.com/3OuGrxEUR6
— Funky (@Benaskren) April 26, 2023
The repercussion:
No Ben! don’t hit send on that tweeeee pic.twitter.com/y7gSFnvqrf
— MacMally 🍀 (@MacMallyMMA) April 25, 2023
oh this is sickening LMFAOO https://t.co/P8JLD9vD2y
— iyosias (@whitest_injera) April 26, 2023
This is accidentally the most Peter Griffin spouse compliment on the internet lol
— Boogerbeard (@Boogerbeard1) April 25, 2023
bro said https://t.co/cPx21sOxY7 pic.twitter.com/X7uHbEO5zV
— jenny_tightpants🪑 (@halomancer1) April 26, 2023
— Tony Jefferson II (@_tonyjefferson) April 25, 2023
I would throw up if my man tweeted this about me https://t.co/B3fDVf07LJ
— clo 🐰☁️ (@chloehenryxxo) April 26, 2023
why did you diss your wife for no reason? 💀
— bunjil (@notbunjil) April 25, 2023
— Matt (@BullMoose75) April 25, 2023
Ben Askren when he sees his wife: pic.twitter.com/8oW8poaH5X https://t.co/NIgNgf2JzQ
— Chairman Lmao MP (@BenTheTim) April 26, 2023
Policeman: “I’m sorry sir, but it looks like your wife has been in an accident.”
— Chris (@gillesofftheweb) April 26, 2023
Me: “I know but she’s great with the kids.” https://t.co/7d1uMBiXvh pic.twitter.com/kXDsg30H74
Omfgggggg id literally run away into a forest and never come back https://t.co/eAzc53wURe
— tyler (@tyler02020202) April 27, 2023
bro could’ve just tweeted that last sentence but decided to call his wife mid for no reason I’m crying https://t.co/mxnC6H7syN
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) April 26, 2023
Darcy Jimenez
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Read the previous edition of our One Main Character column, which included two types of baby drama on a plane, another weekly bigot and a man who clearly needs to be introduced to a financial planner.
Did we miss a main character from this week? Please send tips to [email protected].