The following relationship "advice" is purely satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only — please do not cite us in divorce court.

Each week, we'll be rounding up the internet's most interesting relationship questions and chiming right in. From nightmare first dates to exploring new fetishes, we're leaving no corner of the internet unexplored.

I Don't Want My 6-Year-Old Niece To Ruin My Daughter's 16th Birthday With Her Bad, Diva Behavior — Should I Just Uninvite Them?

I (36F) have a soon to be 16-year-old daughter. I have a sister (28F) who has a 6 year old daughter. My daughter is having a 16th birthday in two weeks and I’m planning a big party for her because she’s turning 16, and 16 is a big milestone.

Here’s my problem: my sister does not control her daughter, especially when it comes to birthday parties. We’ve had four birthday parties in the past three months — one was for my brother's son, one was for my 80-year-old grandmother, my 83-year-old grandfather, and another was for my mother. At each birthday party my niece has screamed and cried and made a mess when she doesn’t get to blow out the candles. When the birthday person blows out the candles, she screams and cries and they have to light the candles again for her, so she can blow them out — or she will blow them out first before the birthday person, and then they have to relight it for the actual birthday person. And even then, she’ll still try to blow the candles out and get the first piece of cake.

At my grandmother’s 80th birthday she was so upset that she didn’t get the first piece of cake that she smashed it and then pushed the cake off the table. She screamed and screamed until my grandmother gave her the piece of cake. The ONLY piece of cake. They always try to make accommodations for her like I said above, and she never seats her daughter her away from the cake or tries to get her under control and tell her know that this is not her cake or her birthday and she cannot do that.

Which brings me to two days ago. I told my sister that she will need to hold her daughter in her lap while cake is being blown out and I will not be relighting the candles for her to blow out, and she’s not getting the first piece of birthday cake. This may seem very petty to some people or like I’m being overdramatic, but my daughter has expressed this to me too, like she’s really excited to be turning 16. She’s invited all of her friends and she wants to be the one to blow out her candles and cut the cake and get the first piece. She doesn’t want any screaming of any sort or making the day about her cousin and it being awkward for her and her friends and I completely get that. I may be a bit sensitive on this subject because the same thing happened to me at my 16th birthday party with my sister who is the topic of the story — she got so upset that she wasn’t having this big party, so my parents bought her a separate cake and presents. She even got MORE presents than I did.

I told my sister this and she got so upset at me that I wouldn’t accommodate her daughter to blow out the candles, because “I know how she acts,” and I told her that I am not responsible for managing her daughters outbursts. She suggested a separate cake for her daughter and I told her no.

So she’s mad at me and said that if her daughter can’t also blow candles, then she won’t come. So I told her not to come? My mom says I’m being mean and this is a family event. I told her that I’m not banning my niece from coming to the birthday party but she’s not going to blow out my daughter’s candles nor is she getting a separate cake and presents. It’s not her birthday. I think that’s the reasonable thing to ask, right?

Also, my daughter is having her own separate slumber party type thing with her friends. It’s just having family there for like an hour or two as the first half because she does want family there for the cake cutting and singing happy birthday, because that’s what she’s always known and she wants to share this with family. I did suggest that we have a separate thing for family like a dinner where they could all come, but she’s adamant about inviting them before the big party for her starts so I’m doing what is going to make her happy. After reading the comments, I do feel like my sister would let my niece “break free” to blow out candles, or try to secretly bring a cake, so she is disinvited from the family portion of the party. I’m tired of getting text messages and being called a bad person, so I’m gonna end it all right here and just disinvite her and my niece.

To anyone reading this who might relate, please take this as a sign to start embracing discomfort. Things in the real world get awkward and can be painful — the only way to get through it is to go through it.

To OP: pay attention to the comments and stand up to your family, the way somebody should have stood up for you as a child. Please do not let them come, my friend! Honestly, your sister would be better off throwing a whole separate party for her daughter since she thinks every day is her birthday anyways. You did not deserve this, and your daughter certainly doesn't either. Let your sister stay at home so she and her daughter can both learn about the consequences that come with their actions. Sorry not sorry. Read the rest of the thread here.

Am I The Jerk For Upsetting My Husband Because I Wasn't In The Mood For His Cross-Dressing?

TL;DR: my husband likes to cross dress and I have to be in the mood for it but he is hurt by that.

Me (29F) and my husband (28M) have been together since 2018 and have been married for 1 1/2 years. I was a virgin when we met but not naïve. Myself and him have always been into exploring and trying new things and I’ve always indulged in what he wanted to try. He’s gotten into cross dressing, pegging, CNC, etc. All things he enjoys me doing to him and I don’t mind doing these things; it makes him happy, he enjoys them. I’ve never said I find it “attractive” when he dresses up; I’ve said on many occasions I have to be into it.

The other day I wake up from a four hour nap (I’m pregnant, I’m getting over being sick, my depression has been through the roof) and he’s dressed up and in some BDSM gear.

I admit I reacted by crying. I was exhausted, I didn’t feel good, I felt immediately pressured. He got upset and took it off. I told him he didn’t have to, it was fine, but the mood was lost for him.

Couple hours later, I asked what was wrong and he asked, “do you find me attractive?” I was honest. I said, “yes, but in a masculine way. I have to be in a specific mood for the cross dressing.”

He’s now really sad and not really talking to me. When I again asked what’s wrong, he said, “you don’t want me in a fundamental way, I need you to want me.”

Idk if I could have done something differently or said something else. I do really love him and I hate that I hurt him, but was I supposed to lie? I’m an open-minded person and I want to pleasure him in ways he finds pleasurable, but I’m not always up for it and sometimes I wish we had a more traditional marriage…

For starters, let's go back to that nap scene. It's upsetting to think anyone can see a sick, pregnant woman trying to get her strength back as an appropriate time for some kink play. Now, let me be very clear, no one (including myself) cares if he was into whips, chains, airplanes or automobiles.

What we do care about, though, is that you need a supportive partner, not one who's already fighting an unborn kid for your attention. I'm not usually this petty, but I agree with the comments calling him out as a "baby" — it's honestly true. You've already got one baby on the way, you don't need another one who acts up whenever things don't go his way. Have a good talk with him and let him know what's up. Best of luck, and congratulations on the baby, friend! Read the rest of the thread here.

It's Pretty Clear My Husband Isn't On My Side All The Time When It's About Money — How Much Time Does Our Marriage Have Left?

One thing I've always heard for a healthy marriage is that you and your partner should be a team. It's you two against a problem, not you two against each other.

My husband is one of those people who HAS to have a clear target for his blame in any situation. Nothing is ever just circumstances or bad luck, it MUST be someone's fault.

Last year I had a mental breakdown at work. I had to be taken home and went on FLMA for months, eventually finding a new job. My husband was amazing during this time. Came home, stayed home with me for the week, took over calling who needed to be called, told me that he didn't care if I quit on the spot, I'd never have to go back into that terrible place again.

I have a new job that I absolutely love, but it's a substantial pay cut. On top of that, my husband's hours haven't been what they usually are. So while we still have (IMO) plenty of money, he has started freaking out that our balance is getting lower and lower. Plus last year we owed a LOT for taxes, and he's assuming that will happen again.

Last night he started talking about some of the things we spend money on, and he was looking at me like I was his sworn enemy. You would think that he works in a mine shaft and I go out and buy diamonds every day.

This might make sense if I spent a lot of our money, but I don't. I will occasionally buy things for myself, but they're not large purchases. Most of the money we spend is spent on both of us--mortgage, insurance, car payments, grocery bills, cable bill, home improvement projects, etc.

Last night it was like I could feel the contempt dripping off of him. He was being so condescending, saying "We're trying to SAVE money, not LOSE it." "Our balance just keeps going down, and in a few months we're going to be living paycheck to paycheck. Is that what you want? What do you think is going to happen it's time to retire?"

But I AGREE with him! I KNOW we can't spend the way we used to, and I've made real efforts to make sure I'm watching what I buy. I can't understand why, even when we're on the same page and in agreement, he treats me like I have this giant conspiracy to spend all our money and ruin our lives.

When he started yelling and saying "I guess I'll have to go back to working weekends. I'll work seven fucking days a week. And those chores won't be my fucking problem." (We recently went over a chore chart together and I thought it was helping a lot with the contempt he used to feel towards me about the state of the house)

I just went to bed when he said this (at 8:30pm), because I know once he gets like this he won't calm down.

Now it's the weekend, which I already dread because of how unpleasant he typically is, angry about chores and the state of the house. Now we have a possible financial fight coming on top of it.

I feel like my husband hates me. I'm so fucking tired.

I know a lot of married couples who're in this exact spot, so I hope this message reaches them as well. Friends, rather than viewing finances as a "me vs. you" thing, it's much better to view it as "us vs. the world" thing.

Reading all of OP's follow-up comments, I'm surprised the husband doesn't understand how much work she puts in to maintain the house. She's a former teacher who tried her best, and it's not like she's not working; she's cooking and cleaning every day. He needs to give her some grace and respect, because I can only imagine how the home would look if it was all up to him. Final note, everyone: respect your partner's labor, and if you feel it's unequal, ask yourself first why that might be before you put them down. Read the rest of the thread here.

My Boyfriend's Been Sympathy Dating Me. Is It Time To Confront Him?

A little less than a year ago my boyfriend got into a pretty bad motorcycle accident. They weren’t sure if he would survive. It was a day by day thing. I was by his side every single day.

There was a period where he was on the verge of death

I read his notes. He keeps a bunch of notes because he’s super disorganized and writing things down helps him remember things. But they’re always funny. If we have a grocery list, he makes up silly names or he draws “bad milk”.

I wanted to hear his voice and his thoughts before he was taken from me. It wasn’t planned out, his stuff was there and I never had an urge to look at it before but death does funny things to you.

I regret reading it. I know it’s my fault.

But in the mess of notes was an essay about his thoughts and feelings. My boyfriend doesn’t really like me. He felt obligated to date me because I had a crush on him and I asked him out. He would have felt bad if he rejected me. I’m a placeholder and he is still in love with his ex.

There are pages and pages about her and how much he loved and loves her and how hard he took their breakup. I found out he would send her love letters and was romantic as hell for her. He changed himself entirely for her.

I definitely can’t and won’t hold anything against him. It’s his own private thoughts.

I told him I read some of his notes and he cracked a joke. I don’t know how to tell him I read his true feelings.

I’m a little sad that I’m never the first choice, that I’m always the forgotten friend or the backup plan.

My boyfriend and his family have thanked me for standing by his side. He’s still in rehab right now and he’s getting much better. I’m helping him with a lot of things right now. His mom subtly said that she hoped I would marry him.

I feel kind of numb. I’m not really depressed or angry at him. I just feel inadequate. I wish I was enough for someone to be that passionate about me.

How do I tell him that I read his essay about his ex? And how do I say that he shouldn’t feel obliged to stay with me just because I helped him?

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. This is the worst, and I know those words must have stung. It's time to go, like most of the comments say.

You two are both young and have your whole lives ahead of you. You're his girlfriend, not his resident nurse. I say talk to him about it, because maybe he was just ranting — but it is a bit of a stretch when you think about it. To anyone, and I mean anyone, reading this, you deserve to be somebody's first choice. You deserve their long-awaited phone calls and embraces, you deserve everything. Never settle for less, my friends. Read the rest of the thread here.

Check out last week's edition here.

[Image credit: Pixabey]