Our mothers deserve a lavish spread for their big day, but we don't have the budget to deliver on that. They'll get cards and maybe some nice meals, sure, but we have grander designs for Mother's Day by living vicariously through rich people.
Instead of putting together a normal gift guide with affiliate links that most people could actually use — one we could potentially make money off of — we've instead put together an outlandish collection of gifts to aspire to with absolutely zero sponsorship. After all, moms just wanna have fun.
And if you actually somehow decide to use any of these picks for Mother's Day, please, for the love of all things good, leave a comment below. Let's get goin'.
Book Her On The Ultimate World Cruise
Approx. $54,000 Per Person
How do you show your mom that you really love her? Send her away for upwards of 274 days! Royal Caribbean's ultimate world cruise is an absolutely bonkers voyage that tours over 60 countries across seven continents. We're talkin' Chichén Itzá, Buenos Aires, Honolulu, Sydney and well over a hundred more stops.
Of course, you'll need to drop over $50,000 per person for the BARE MINIMUM, but your mom only lives once (YMOLO), right?
Get The Cast Of 'The Nanny' To Wish Her A Happy Mother's Day
Approx. $1,500
Without exception, every mother's favorite sitcom from the '90s is "The Nanny." Science doesn't know why this is a universal truth, but we can all agree that it's the reality we have to live with.
For about the cost of someone's rent check, you can lock in Cameo videos from Fran Drescher, Charles Shaughnessy, Daniel Davis, Renée Taylor, Nicholle Tom and Lauren Lane. This will leave your mother saying "Mr. Sheffiiiiiiiiiiield" for the rest of her natural life.
Turn Your Family Into Professional AI Voices
Approx. $299 Per Month
Everybody is talking about AI these days, and what does it mean? Nobody knows, but the shareholders love it. Leverage that sweet investor-class buzz by turning your mom, dad, siblings and yourselves into professional-grade robo-voices.
Maybe your mom can use your voice for her GPS. Perhaps she can turn her voice into one of those creepy voice filters on TikTok. The possibilities are endless, and we wouldn't have it any other way (or else our robot overlords would crush us to death).
Book A Zero-G Flight
Approx. $10,000 Per Person
These planes wiggle up and down in the air to simulate the experience of being in space. Super-authentic movies take advantage of this odd phenomenon of floating, and now so can mommy dearest.
If you're not that rich, you can book mom a flight on this potentially nausea-inducing weightless journey for about ten grand. But if you're really, really rich, you can book a private flight for the low, low price of roughly $300,000.
Order The Fanciest Mac That Money Can Buy
Approx. $12,000
While most moms are happy to scroll Facebook on their phone, or type up emails on a reasonably-priced laptop, that simply will not fly for the ultra-rich mom.
Doesn't she deserve a weird cheese-grater-looking tower that houses a 24-core CPU, a 76-core GPU, 192GB of RAM and 8TB of high-speed storage? Just think how fast she'll be able to forward you memes from 2022.
Invest in a literal castle in the middle of nowhere
Approx. $14,000,000
If your mom loves castles and the state of Wyoming, boy do we have some good news for you. If you drop just $14,000,000, you can give her the gift that really shows how much you care (about castles).
Not sold yet? Well, you can take an up-close look at this gorgeous abode that's surrounded by mountains. See! It's practically a steal at this price, right? Right?!
[Images: FreeStocks, Moose Photos, Mikhail Nilov, Zillow]
