The following relationship "advice" is purely satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only — please do not cite us in divorce court.

Each week, we'll be rounding up the internet's most interesting relationship questions and chiming right in. From nightmare first dates to exploring new fetishes, we're leaving no corner of the internet unexplored.

My Boyfriend's Poopy Underwear Is Turning Me Off

I (25 female) and my boyfriend (28) have been together for six years. over this past year our intimate life has severely declined. The main issue I’m having is his hygiene. I personally am an extremely hygienic person. I shower every single morning and every single night and I have a strategic body care and skin care routine. (Not saying i wash my hair twice a day- im talking about a quick rinse off in the shower)

My boyfriend showers maybe once every other day and really only brushes his teeth for a quick minute before bed without flossing or using mouth wash. I also often find his poop stained underwear on the floor of our bedroom and bathroom.

I believe I might even have a little bit of OCD when it comes to personal hygiene as I really overthink about germs and what not. (I work in medical so i hygiene is extremely important) I’m finding it really difficult to be intimate with him when I’m worried about his bad hygiene affecting mine (poop getting on me) and it’s also really hard to be attracted to someone when there are odors.

I love him to death and he’s such a good man, but it’s really starting to bother me. I haven’t really brought it up because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I need some advice on how to kindly bring this up without making him feel bad.

EDIT*

More information/ answering some questions:

I notice the poop stains on probably 8/10 pairs of his underwear

I just ordered a bidet. im hoping when it arrives that will spark up a conversation . I have put baby wipes on top of the toilet paper roll several times but he doesn’t use them.

I’ve noticed the poor hygiene this past year when we moved in together. He isn’t a big guy but he is very hairy. I dont think hair should be an excuse for not wiping properly though.

I dont do his laundry at all. He just leaves the underwear on the floor until he’s ready to do his laundry and thats why i see them

To the few people suggesting getting him black underwear??? That would just hide the problem?

To the person that said i am over the top— How is practicing good hygiene over the top? I never said my routine was 1 hour. Id say i spend about 20 minutes morning and night cleaning myself ( shower, oral care and skin care) Oral care should be done morning and night definitely not every now and then. I work in medical so i am constantly exposed to germs and find it really important to stay hygienic.

I know a lot of people in the comments are like her — they don’t want to hurt someone's feelings and prefer holding them in. This to me, however, is really unfair to the other person; it's going to be a lot more loaded when you do finally decide to approach them.. It's like a band-aid, you should have told him what's up from the get-go, you're the only one who’s been suffering in the meantime. Indeed, all the people-pleasers out there, including myself sometimes, take this as a sign to just speak your truth, with general empathy in mind. Read the rest of the thread here.

Was I Wrong For Picking At My Husband's Cooking Even Though I Asked For It?

Listen, I can’t stand corn. I hate it. The taste and the texture. I used to hate peas and carrots but I’ve learned to deal with their taste as long as I have a bite of something else with them. However I still can’t stand corn. If there’s corn in a dish the flavor overpowers and I straight don’t like it. My husband cooked tonight, it was seriously delicious. Grilled shrimp, mashed potatoes and mixed veggies. As you can guess there was corn in the mixed veggies, so I made a small area on my plate and put the bits of corn there. I never did anything gross like take them out of my mouth but I made sure there was none on my fork before eating and if there was I would clear my fork, pick out the corn (with fork) and then try again. My husband got so mad and said I didn’t appreciate his cooking. I told him the food was delicious but it’s not an unknown fact I don’t like corn and it’s not my fault he added it into the vegetables. Anyways he’s grumbling about not making dinner anymore so I have to know; is it that big of a deal that I picked out something he knows I don’t like?

I've been in this same situation with friends. What you do is let them know beforehand, and promise to have a few bites anyway. Seriously, that way they serve you a lower portion, to begin with —. Not everyone is a fan of eating off others’ plates. Plus, you must acknowledge that it's pretty insulting to get a full plate back of your cooking. But if all this fails, just remember to show gratitude towards their efforts, that's what somebody wants to hear after being in a kitchen. Read the rest of the thread here.

I Lost My Virginity To My Boyfriend And He Gave Me A List Of Everything I Did Wrong

I (20 F) lost my virginity to my boyfriend (35 M) a couple days ago. I knew that going in I was going to be nervous and clumsy. The sex was pretty awkward and sometimes it hurt so I had to ask him to stop a bit. He did cum but I couldn't cum probably due to nerves. Anyway the next day I woke up to a text from him basically listing the things I did wrong during sex. This is the text:

Be sexier. Don't be so quiet. Moan and scream. 2. Your head game needs a LOT of work. Look it up. 3. Don't act awkward. You're not a virgin anymore so don't act like it. 4. You need to get better at shaving ;) 5. Don't tell a guy to stop when he's getting into it. It ruins the mood. 6. Let me try what I want. Not letting me ruins the mood. 6. Don't be shy. It's not sexy.

So, don't get me wrong, I'm not against being told how I can do stuff better. I know that I'm not going to be great at sex obviously. I just don't really like the way he did it? I would have preferred being told face-to-face and in a more gentle manner? I don't like that he did it the morning after either. I felt blindsided by this text and now the thought of us having sex again makes me feel more self-conscious. What if I can't perform next time? Am I gonna wake up to even more texts?

I wish I was your dad so I could go beat up that guy... with my words of course! I am so mad for you and yeah, probably all the dads reading about this a—s too. You’re a child, meanwhile, this guy is a few days away from being too old to join the Army anymore. Nope, he was so wrong for doing this to you, dump him please, and enjoy the rest of your youth. I'm telling you, listen to everyone in the comments, only a twisted person would talk to you like this, you can, and deserve, to find someone better. Read the rest of the thread here.

My Date (29F) Canceled On Me (26M) Once She Saw How I Was Dressed?

I (26m) was seeing this girl (29f) last week and things seemed to be moving quickly. I liked her, she liked me, and she wanted to have our third date this past saturday and she wanted to go fishing with me.

I text her the location. I tell her we are going to the pier to fish. I thought she knew which pier I meant (my mistake) because we had visited it at the beach just two days prior.

The next day, i gather my fishing stuff and some bait and drive 45 mins to her place. Im wearing black swim shorts, a black daft punk t shirt, and flip flops. She makes a remark about my flip flops. I say we are going to the beach - she didnt know I meant a beach day when I said fishing at the pier. She tells me i shouldve planned something else and didnt wanna do the beach again. I find a different fishing spot for us. We get in the car , then she tells me

“You really need to get a new wardrobe. Like, what you’re wearing is really turning me off. I dont think I want to go fishing with you. I think we are at different points in our lives and I dont want to waste your time”

I was pissed. Didnt say much. I drove back home alone. I dressed nicely the first date and the second date wore beach attire. Idk if she was expecting me to have planned something grand

Edit: fishing as a date was her idea, not mine. I had plans to go fishing anyways and she asked to come along, so we made it a date.

Since you said she wore jeans and a nice sweater, I honestly feel she just felt a bit stupid wearing that to the "beach," and took it out on you. Also, I hate the fact she invited herself to this and didn't bother asking any follow-up questions. I haven't been fishing in decades, but I can't imagine wearing what she wore — unless I was in a Ralph Lauren ad. Everyone in the comments, let's say it together, "you dodged a bullet." She clearly can't handle disappointment or hold herself accountable. Read the rest of the thread here.

Check out last week's edition here.

[Image credit: Mike Rogers]