ZERO STARS
Sleeping Through A Michelin Reservation Without Remorse, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'
Every day somebody says or does something that earns them the scorn of the internet. Here at Digg, as part of our mission to curate what the internet is talking about right now, we rounded up the main characters on Twitter from this past week and held them accountable for their actions.
Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it
— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) January 3, 2019
This week's characters include an unintentionally funny line about Cracker Barrel that might become a motion picture, a professor who loves Teslas because he needs to transport multiple mattresses in one go and a couple of characters who should stay away from personal finance and the dating scene.
Thursday
Texas Family Project
The character: Texas Family Project, conservative non-profit, heist movie title generator
"We take no pleasure in reporting that @CrackerBarrel has fallen," said the Texas Family Project, a staunchly conservative organization. The organization's hateful stance against pride and a culture of inclusivity is putrid, but at least they made us laugh with their creativity.
Cracker Barrel probably just lost a total of three customers.
We take no pleasure in reporting that @CrackerBarrel has fallen.
— Texas Family Project (@FamilyProjectTX) June 8, 2023
A once family friendly establishment has caved to the mob. pic.twitter.com/IM0p1NT20S
The repercussion: It goes without saying that if you're taking an anti-pride stance, then you need to ask yourself why others shouldn't call you a bigot. The Texas Project thought they were being classy with an exposé, but they've now added an exceptional adlib to the discourse. Pray your favorite chain never falls.
My mom works at Cracker Barrel in retirement. My brother is gay. This will make her day, I will be sure to take my family, thanks for sharing ❤️
— nix.eth (@nix_eth) June 9, 2023
"You are no longer the Lord's chicken" had one resplendent week at the top before being displaced by "Cracker Barrel has fallen." Sic transit gloria mundi. pic.twitter.com/riul3wcwAn
— Brent S. Sirota (@BrentSirota) June 9, 2023
Cracker Barrel has fallen https://t.co/0pHRMww9b9 pic.twitter.com/VJDljznvVS
— 🌽🌽 Erica, The White Trash Socialist 🌽🌽™️ (@herosnvrdie69) June 9, 2023
Me: “I gotta stop participating in the ridiculousness of modern discourse.”
— Hank Green (@hankgreen) June 9, 2023
Me two hours later: “Do you think they’d let me get a ‘Cracker Barrel has Fallen’ tattoo between chemo treatments?”
Today:
— Ashton Pittman 🏳️🌈 (@ashtonpittman) June 9, 2023
-Pat Robertson has died
-Supreme Court has upheld voting rights for Black voters in Alabama
-Trump is indicted in Miami
-Cracker Barrel has fallen
“Cracker Barrel Has Fallen” https://t.co/erNA9scVWD pic.twitter.com/HRGbgeyucD
— AdequateEmily Is Proud! (@AdequateEmily) June 9, 2023
They tweeted Cracker Barrel has fallen like it was the Alamo
— 🍻Body by Craft Beer🍻 (@TacoTitsday) June 9, 2023
I hear Cracker Barrel has fallen. pic.twitter.com/u5OGNcje7Y
— Jeff VanderMeer (@jeffvandermeer) June 9, 2023
Adwait Patil
Monday
Wolf Bein
The character: Wolf Bein, Professor of Computer Science at UNLV, proud Tesla driver, public transportation hater
The plot: Have you ever had to buy two new mattresses before? I haven't, personally, but I would imagine one could do that online and with free shipping. If you want to go out and mattress shop in person, however, then by all means go for it.
Oh hey, what's that… do we sense a tweet about public transportation being ratio'd extremely hard?
Had to purchase two new mattresses. Went in my Tesla 3 to IKEA in Costa Mesa. Found nice pair, but not in stock there. Went back home, took my larger Y and went to IKEA Burbank. Perhaps 150 miles all together. Had my mattresses same day. Try that with public transportation. pic.twitter.com/DZ7zBszroh
— Wolf Bein (@wwbein) June 5, 2023
Take that, public transportation! You're not worth investing in because I can drive my two Pixar-looking electric cars hundreds of miles between stores in a day!
The repercussion: This tweet by Professor Bein took everyone on a nonsensical journey, with an extremely hilarious photo to boot. The replies were a little more kind than we were expecting; usually people dunking on Tesla owners is way more harsh. Especially for the owner of a paid blue check mark.
— ivysorta (@ivysorta) June 6, 2023
— Raceman95 (@raceman95) June 5, 2023
There's this thing called "delivery service". If I had to pick up 3 mattresses I'd go with that just to spare me the heavy lifting
— Stéphane Bjørne (@SteBjoerne) June 5, 2023
I recently saw a man bring a new “mattress in a box” onto the CTrain & no one even looked up from their phones.
— Tidy Crow 🐦⬛ (@tidycrow) June 5, 2023
Also saw 2 carry a full sized mattress onto the train last winter. Again, no one cared. No big deal. Trains are spacious.
Also, delivery + vehicle rentals exist? #yyc
This is a spectacular self-own.
— David Avallone (@DAvallone) June 5, 2023
It's a $50K car. I can rent a pickup for $25/day or pay a delivery fee without giving a billionaire a dime for an exploding car.
But you pay $8/month to a free service, to be a laughing stock, so your "analysis" is not worth a nickel.
when i bought a mattress in new york city i walked to a mattress store that was 4 blocks from my apartment, spent 15 minutes choosing, and the store delivered the one i picked out that afternoon. but your story of driving all around southern california all day sounds cool too https://t.co/rz7rpZqil9
— sarah james (@cryingbaseball) June 5, 2023
just get your mattress delivered lol
— sam (@sam_d_1995) June 5, 2023
it’s funny how this person thinks his anecdote is an endorsement of car ownership when in reality it’s an example of him wasting a ton of money and time to do something that is entirely unnecessary https://t.co/snhudhNWPg
Jared Russo
Sunday
@queend236
The character: @queend236, workers' rights fighter, bad finance guru
The plot: On the topic of poverty, @queend236 tweeted that there were "levels to poverty," and that calling someone making $250,000 (presumably per year?) also poor was fine because one could hypothetically lose a job or not be able to take breaks from working. Valid points, but defending workers who are among the top earners in the country isn't a strong case to be made when there are other glaring deficiencies in the system.
People are saying it’s dangerous to say that someone making $250k is poor. There’s levels to poverty. One end is an empty fridge, homelessnesses, struggling to pay bills. The other end of it is a big house, luxury car, but you can never ever lose your job or it’s gone.
— True Jackson BP Oil Spill (@queend236) June 3, 2023
People had to unpack where this was coming from — especially since OP included details about debts and working multiple gigs, and tried to paint a more layered experience — but the premise itself was shaky to begin with.
The repercussion: Financial takes means the vultures come out to play. Anything to do with numbers, dollars and America is catnip. People were quick to point out that someone earning $250,000 would put them in the 97th percentile in America, and poor financial planning or not, that's not at all a universal experience when it comes to personal finances for majority of this country.
Lmao you’ve gotta be kidding me. 250k is 97th percentile income in the US. Sorry your lawyer husband is blowing all your family’s money on new boats or whatever https://t.co/lRQHn74VeA
— Liam (@Hezbolsonaro) June 4, 2023
That's not poverty. It's just imprudently living beyond your means. https://t.co/d37BbRgWCK
— Sturgeon's Law (@Sturgeons_Law) June 4, 2023
Good example of how income isn't class.
— Carl Beijer (@CarlBeijer) June 4, 2023
Yes, most people making $250k can still lose their job - but they also have so much sitting in investments that they're pulling in $60k a year just on the interest.
That's what it means to be bourgeoisie. https://t.co/e0zpvFpPMy https://t.co/L1eQ7iaQwh pic.twitter.com/u24H8rOJq6
When your TC is 250k and you’re one foot away from poverty because you bought a 9 bedroom seaside mansion for yourself and can’t afford to not work the 3 hours a day you usually work https://t.co/NeFy0393Px pic.twitter.com/iDVSUvGjYK
— Three-Eyed Raisin (@GulagJamun_) June 4, 2023
I'm going to try and be as gentle as I can:
— Not pregnant just eating good.. (@I_Hate_Ted_Cruz) June 3, 2023
Poverty is an actual status. It's not a feeling. There's a poverty line and there are thresholds you must meet in order to be considered poor.
An individual making $250k is already making more than the majority of *families* in the US. https://t.co/4VzLwG1Lvh
Adwait Patil
Sunday
@bossbratbimbo
The character: @bossbratbimbo, restaurant reservation-misser, rude person
The plot: Over the weekend, Twitter user @bossbratbimbo shared screenshots from a conversation she had with someone she was meant to go on a date with. The other person says the restaurant reservation @bossbratbimbo had slept through cost $70 to cancel, our main character proceeds to be unfathomably rude to the person whose time and money she had — intentionally or not — wasted.
Along with the screenshots, she also tweeted that she has "no regrets bc I avoided a man who behaves like this." How is he in the wrong, exactly?
slept through my Michelin res last night and have no regrets bc I avoided a man who behaves like this pic.twitter.com/o8a7coEdYF
— cc (@bossbratbimbo) June 3, 2023
The repercussion: People mostly expressed disbelief at her response to a guy who had every right to be annoyed — and yet who hadn't been rude to her at all.
You’re not a real person. Can’t be.
— Bernice Saunders (@BestAuntieAlive) June 4, 2023
I hate you for having me agree with a man . You’re 100% the problem here , you should be apologizing to the person who’s plan you foiled and worse … there a cancellation fee??? I’d be hella upset too ya’ll treat your friends like this too??
— marie (@itsbloodymarie) June 6, 2023
The amount of times you replied to this tweet to explain yourself just proves you know you’re the bad person in this situation.
— VVS (@vvs2die) June 4, 2023
Bro really dodged a bullet. Happy for my fellow king. Also, have some shame and pay up the $70
— PapaUwUx 😼 (@PapaUwUx) June 6, 2023
I hate siding with men, but you could’ve just said sorry 😔
— O L U W A L I N D A (@Oluwalinda_) June 5, 2023
As a card carrying Hot Sleepy Girl I’m afraid A) you were in the wrong with how you handled this/spoke to him and B) we do not claim you :/
— lilly | itsnautii 🌸 feral era 🦇 (@itsnautii) June 6, 2023
You realise YOU’RE in the WRONG??? https://t.co/7ymqnW13GC
— #LaidBarePodcast 🐝 (@Oloni) June 4, 2023
You keep spitting “Michelin Restaurant” like it’s a big deal but then brush off a cancellation fee to said restaurant lol
— Freakisgoat (@Freakisgoat) June 5, 2023
You think this guy did something wrong? You cost him $70 for nothing, and you’re annoyed he even brought it up? Who are you?
— Xenophonicus (@iamxenophonicus) June 5, 2023
i don’t care if you’re a friend, relative, coworker or date, if i say i’ll meet you somewhere, fall asleep and you have to pay $70, i will absolutely apologize and offer to cover that https://t.co/DjlebThgoT
— ashley ray live is ON TOUR (@theashleyray) June 5, 2023
Darcy Jimenez
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Read the previous edition of our One Main Character column, which included a billionaire sports team owner, a person who should be banned from food delivery apps, a basketball player who wants to know if it's okay to drink human milk and an AI artist who's helping great artists from the past reinvent their canvas.
Did we miss a main character from this week? Please send tips to [email protected].