FARE WEATHER FRIEND
A Self-Appointed Turnstile Cop, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'
Every day somebody says or does something that earns them the scorn of the internet. Here at Digg, as part of our mission to curate what the internet is talking about right now, we rounded up the main characters on Twitter from this past week and held them accountable for their actions.
Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it
— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) January 3, 2019
This week’s characters include a self-appointed turnstile cop, a woman all for stigmatizing large breasts and a style guide with a well-meaning but slightly perplexing piece of terminology advice.
January 11
Helen Andrews
The character: Helen Andrews, Senior Editor, pro-bono cop, math savant
The plot: Andrews, a Senior Editor at The American Conservative, decided to put in a shift for the DC police when she decided to count the number of people who jumped the turnstile. She didn’t stop there. Being a good analyst, Andrews counted them at different lines and stations before coming to a conclusion.
“Average number of fare jumpers spotted in five minutes was 22,” she wrote.
Today I decided to wait an extra five minutes outside the gates when I took the Metro and see how many fare jumpers I could count. I did this four times at stops on the Red and Yellow/Green lines.
— Helen Andrews (@herandrews) January 11, 2023
Average number of fare jumpers spotted in five minutes was 22.
Is not paying the subway fare a problem? Maybe. Will being a snitch about it help? Not really. Many have tried, but it never works. Edwards doesn’t seem like the extremely online type, so we can forgive her.
The repercussion: The tweet laid low for a few weeks, but it eventually caught wind of public transit twitter. Fare evasion being something that points to bigger problems, rather than delinquent individualis, is something people on the Internet still believe in. Thank god.
You could have waited an extra five minutes to swipe your card for someone who needed it or hold the door for someone who was struggling but of course did this instead https://t.co/yRGV6WYL7T
— i love julia fox (@TieDyeBlotter) January 26, 2023
And you didn't make a citizens arrest?? You basically did all the robberies then.
— The Serfs (@theserfstv) January 24, 2023
You were the kid that reminded the teacher they forgot to assign homework on Friday afternoon, aren’t you https://t.co/UgC5U8zIhD
— the bad Katie (@KatieKatCubs) January 25, 2023
Except Chris Hayes. The MSNBC host weighed in on the subject, in a different conversation, and as expected received a similar response.
lol they're gonna means test fare evasion or what https://t.co/GUOgrXd3bX
— if bein wong's a crime, i'm servin forever (@allmydads) January 25, 2023
public transit should be free and u need to mind ur damn business https://t.co/kfsaUJyua0
— s :( (@matrixgoth) January 25, 2023
Adwait Patil
Sunday
@AlicevanHerpen
The character: @AlicevanHerpen, big boob hater
The plot: One pretty reliable rule for not upsetting people on the internet is to avoid making shitty, unsolicited comments about other people’s bodies. Clearly, @AlicevanHerpen didn’t get the memo, because they came through this week with a take that is as mean as it is stupid and untrue.
Big boobs make clothes look cheap no matter what. Small boobs look so classy in everything
— ♡ (@AlicevanHerpen) January 23, 2023
The repercussion: Twitter users were, understandably, outraged by the anti-big boob discrimination — and rightfully set the poster straight.
— ines helene (@inihelene) January 24, 2023
this tweet will be the reason you are denied entrance to the pearly gates
— MISS U (@almondmilkhunni) January 24, 2023
no it does not hope this helps pic.twitter.com/xMy715i3t6
— 𝒸𝑜𝒸𝑜 ♡ (@kokorokaroke) January 23, 2023
nah I got to be a bridesmaid and this dress was so pretty https://t.co/QNkyiJCPj3 pic.twitter.com/ztukX8dJPq
— ameliimoo (@ameliimoo) January 25, 2023
can u pls be insecure in private? like u seriously do not have to project ur lack of self confidence on everyone
— ƒ 🫧 (@pharaohnotfound) January 23, 2023
— Polly Prissy Pants (@rimaramwoman) January 24, 2023
It’s just cause having big boobs is so sexualized in society. it’s not that it’s “cheap” looking it just instantly takes a innocent outfit and makes it “ provocative “ to some people
— ✧♡(◕‿◕✿)♡✧ (@Hell0ktty666) January 23, 2023
I love my big classy expensive looking womps though can’t lie https://t.co/LZCxl143c1 pic.twitter.com/O3Rf1nk61r
— lucy dawson🦿🦓 (@ludawinthesky) January 25, 2023
noooooooo as if fatphobia/women taking up less space as a concept intersects with classism nooooo wayyyyy
— zoe (@zoyoudidnt) January 24, 2023
This is why Maya Angelou wrote that line "Does my sexiness upset you?"
— Broke home owner (@dirtybooks24) January 23, 2023
Y’all say anything for a hint of engagement pic.twitter.com/MPfwoonynf
— ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (@thecsdunn) January 24, 2023
Darcy Jimenez
Thursday
The AP Stylebook
The character: The AP Stylebook’s Twitter account, stigma watchdog, Twitter’s copyeditor
The plot: This one is actually a rare wholesome character: the AP Twitter account posted a general note that using “the” in front of labels for groups of people is, generally speaking, not a great way to refer to human beings. There are some obvious examples — using “the” in front of any race, for instance, is a no-go — and some less obvious ones, like “the poor” and “the mentally ill,” which the AP Stylebook brought to everyone’s attention.
But it included one item in its list that, while still entirely valid, seemed not quite like the others.
We recommend avoiding general and often dehumanizing “the” labels such as the poor, the mentally ill, the French, the disabled, the college-educated. Instead, use wording such as people with mental illnesses. And use these descriptions only when clearly relevant.
— APStylebook (@APStylebook) January 26, 2023
The repercussion: Obviously, right-leaning Twitter users rolled their eyes and accused AP of taking wokeness too far, and we’re going to ignore those responses, as they’re neither useful nor clever. What we did love were the responses wondering how, exactly, we should refer to people from France.
People experiencing Frenchness.
— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) January 26, 2023
“people experiencing France”
— 💭 (@samthielman) January 26, 2023
So instead of "the ruling class" or "the wealthy," I should say, "people with a greed complex" or "people that are morally bankrupt"?
— Johnny Akzam (@JohnnyAkzam) January 26, 2023
Excuse me, I believe they're fries experiencing freedom
— caroline mccarthy (@caro) January 27, 2023
where do we stand on this pic.twitter.com/FErQgzgwsI
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) January 26, 2023
The Poor, The Mentally Ill and The French was my Booker prize winning novel of alienation, transition, and, triumph.
— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) January 26, 2023
People With Whom
— david strayhorn (@davidstrayhorn) January 27, 2023
😜
Molly Bradley
———
Read the previous edition of our One Main Character column, which included a woman who thinks helping friends is for chumps, a nepo baby/shitposter who just plain sucks and more.
Did we miss a main character from this week? Please send tips to [email protected].
Photo credit: Samson Katt via Pexels