WE WISH THESE PEOPLE WERE FAKE SOMETIMES
A Person Who *Thought* About Bringing Back Public Lynchings, And More Of This Week's Main Character
Every day somebody says or does something that earns them the scorn of the internet. Here at Digg, as part of our mission to curate what the internet is talking about right now, we rounded up the main characters on Twitter from this past week and held them accountable for their actions.
Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it
— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) January 3, 2019
This week’s characters include a person who thinks San Francisco should resort to public hangings for criminals, a politician who does not value human life equally, a techie who wants to extend human life indefinitely and an unwanted opinion from a man on the internet.
Saturday
Pratik Desai
The character: Pratik Desai, computer scientist, PhD, big fan never-ending love
The plot: Desai, a techie by trade, suggested that we start regularly recording the people we love, like our parents, because he was certain that AI would help them move on from their physical body (with your recordings fed in as its data of course) and synthesize a version of themselves to be with you forever. "This should be even possible by end of the year," he added.
Start regularly recording your parents, elders and loved ones. With enough transcript data, new voice synthesis and video models, there is a 100% chance that they will live with you forever after leaving physical body. This should be even possible by end of the year.
— Pratik Desai (@chheplo) April 8, 2023
Tech Twitter is a funny place. They built the goddamn website, but are probably its worst users. Both in terms of overall gimmick and quality of content. In essence this tweet makes sense. They used AI to recreate Bourdain's voice, holograms perform at festivals and what not, which makes me wonder what the point of the tweet was. Tell us something new bro.
The repercussion: Tepid takes invite tepid dunks.
Hard no. https://t.co/zWiI0oYLcL pic.twitter.com/zGwM73xlra
— Communies (@communiess) April 10, 2023
Reality: theres going to be a chatbot with your grandma's voice, and it will read ads to you on youtube and twitch. Its on by default and you need to watch a tutorial on how to opt out of it. https://t.co/0UA7x5odJq
— マクロス instain mother (@instain_mother) April 10, 2023
Start regularly harvesting samples from your parents, elders, and loved ones. With enough of their essence, forbidden thaumaturgical practices and dark arts, there is a 100% chance that you can trap their souls within homunculi upon death and forever bind them in your service https://t.co/0xbPV8Khzu
— paisley pudge🦎 (@paisleypudge) April 10, 2023
It's so cool how nobody who works in tech knows even a single normal person https://t.co/LddQf0ywRo
— Kris P. Bacon (@KrisWolfheart) April 10, 2023
Yeah a grandma tamagotchi with no internal life is exactly the same as a living human being well done https://t.co/Q3XTbvIl4J
— 𝔾𝕠𝕣𝕒𝕟 (@GoranGligovic) April 10, 2023
Remember that scene in Logan where Wolverine is trying to force Professor X to take his meds, but Xavier is having an inconsolable meltdown over how untenable life has become and he screams "THERE'S NO DIGNITY TO THIS." I think about that line a lot. https://t.co/A5oTaOF5ft pic.twitter.com/Ct2rCa3R2U
— Art-Eater ➡️⬇️↘️🐲👊 (@Richmond_Lee) April 11, 2023
Adwait Patil
Monday
Webster Barnaby
The character: Florida Republican Rep. Webster Barnaby, horrible monster, not a reader of comic books
The plot: The explanation given from Alejandra Caraballo (a writer for Slate and Wired who covers gender and law) in this tweet about Rep. Webster Barnaby will give the context needed before watching the video. In it, Barnaby uses an "X-men" analogy to deride, target and harass trans people.
Florida Republican Rep. Webster Barnaby directly compared trans people to mutants in X-Men and called the trans people, including children, present in the room "demons and imps."
— Alejandra Caraballo (@Esqueer_) April 10, 2023
This was during debate for HB1421 that would criminalize trans people using bathrooms. pic.twitter.com/y5VsCKeAfJ
It appears his Twitter account has been hacked. pic.twitter.com/Rdkyvp1HcA
— Alejandra Caraballo (@Esqueer_) April 11, 2023
The repercussion: If the Twitter hack didn't tip you off to people's (very reasonable) reaction to this man's hateful words, then the retweets and quote tweets should suffice. Trans rights are human rights, trans people are people, and anyone who wants to call them "imps," "demons" and other derogatory, hateful bullsh—t should never be heard from ever again, nor hold a position of power in any government.
And don’t get me started on his interpretation of the "X-Men." Unreal, how he is just the bad guy politician Senator Kelly from the comics. And his name, Webster Barnaby, sounds so old man already! What a stereotype, this evil clown of a man.
This clip from the X-Men cartoon feels super relevant rn. https://t.co/bTnHmoBzpg pic.twitter.com/G4wtSGYEJj
— Kingwest21 (@RealTimewithWes) April 10, 2023
Herein we find the perfect definition of a Republican: someone who read an X-Men comic book and concluded the X-Men were the bad guys https://t.co/cCFWKj0cJp
— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) April 10, 2023
old man completely missed the point of x-men. feels like media literacy has always been bad. https://t.co/vfH1PgklRt
— Gene Park (@GenePark) April 10, 2023
I’m offended by both the rampant bigotry and how completely this man is missing the point of X-Men https://t.co/od04DKUZ6T
— Jay Edidin 🧭 (@NotLasers) April 10, 2023
“Transgender people are Floridians. We are students, workers, and business leaders. We are parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and children. We work hard, we contribute to our communities…”@websterbarnaby called us mutants, demons, and imps. Hate like his cannot be tolerated pic.twitter.com/wlNtQVspYp
— kaleb (@KalebAlistair) April 10, 2023
Jared Russo
Sunday
@ShadayaKnight
The character: @ShadayaKnight, blogger, guy with irrelevant opinions
The plot: There's nothing particularly unique about this main character — lots of men have an issue with women owning, enjoying and sharing their bodies the way they want to — but the backlash the below tweet received is too good not to include.
Imagine being in your 50s, still posting nudes for attention in menopause when you should be chilling with the grandkids. Aging with dignity is no longer a thing pic.twitter.com/d6Oksvc76N
— 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑵𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒆💥 (@ShadayaKnight) April 9, 2023
The repercussion: Basically people told the guy to grow up, mind his own business and stop commenting on what Halle Berry (and any other woman, for that matter) does.
Imagine having a hairline that goes so far back dinosaurs can see it
— Jack (@Sm11thy122) April 10, 2023
Imagine being so obtuse that you actually believe THEE Halle Berry has to do anything other than exist to get our attention. This photo, with which we have all been blessed, is the visual epitome of dignity, chilling, and menopausal goals. Stay mad, Red Nightmare.
— Drew Dixon (@deardrewdixon) April 10, 2023
DAMN if I looked that good at 50 I’d be walking around naked too 😳 https://t.co/4yzSMZzjGO
— Raves (@RavenZech2) April 12, 2023
how you niggas expect women in their 50s to be like https://t.co/o1xEFGjmlN pic.twitter.com/7GUTaGgmfu
— Aurora 🏳️⚧️ | 1 comm slot open (@SpectralAurora_) April 10, 2023
Her kids are 15 and 9. Where exactly are these grandkids coming from? Weirdo.
— Susan Lassiter-Lyons (@susanlyons) April 10, 2023
A grown man in a toddler’s Easter suit shouldn’t be lecturing anyone about dignity.
— Amy 🦖 (@AmyNoMiddleNam3) April 10, 2023
We can only hope life will be like this for us all at 50. Aging graceful and with the ability to still do what you enjoy. THAT is dignity.
— Demon Fae Shae 🏳️⚧️ 🔆 (@DemonFaeShae) April 10, 2023
I refuse to be lectured on what a dignified feminine existence is by a guy who looks like if Urkel got a golden ticket from Willy Wonka. https://t.co/itEeAdb9nC
I never thought I'd see the day when a man would be complaining about a Halle Berry nude lmao https://t.co/avuCwtb1Fh
— Franklin Saint-Slacktrick 🇯🇲 (@Slakonbothsides) April 10, 2023
Imagine having no chin and *still* having the audacity to attempt to shame one of the most beautiful women who ever walked the earth...
— D. Russo (He/Him) (@DRusso97) April 10, 2023
Dude, if you wants Elon’s attention, just pay the $8.
— Andrew (@AndrewCrow) April 10, 2023
sigh. pic.twitter.com/C47j4sbi69
— Luckyiam (@LuckyovLegends) April 10, 2023
Imagine being an average man online and thinking Halle Berry of all people isn't the epitome of aging with dignity. Good luck with your mentions.
— Tauriq Moosa (@tauriqmoosa) April 10, 2023
I was going to say something rude until I saw that people are calling you a chinless Tory Lanez…… I decided you have enough problems to deal with https://t.co/Jtz7f7eb0u
— Dumpster Baby 👶🏽 (@makeupbyjoxlyn) April 10, 2023
Imagine all us men thinking “man shut the fuck up!”
— M3NSA (@mensamusic) April 10, 2023
Imagine getting mad at Halle Berry for being naked https://t.co/YANsLZSmtq
— big honkin caboose (@itsmegangraves) April 10, 2023
Darcy Jimenenz
Sunday
Michelle Tandler
The character: Michelle Tandler, big fan of questions, thinks about public lynchings
The plot: Tandler is a recurring dilettante at this point, and you're likely to see her avatar around anything remotely related to San Francisco. Tandler is a vocal critic of SF's homeless situation, and has often chimed in on how to radically make the city better. Her latest thought experiment? "What would happen if a few meth dealers were publicly hung?" she casually asked in a Tweet thread. While it took the entire day to update the thread and say that the idea came from a book ("The Barbary Coast") she did say that she was "not advocating for public hangings."
A few questions on my mind this morning:
— Michelle Tandler (@michelletandler) April 9, 2023
+ What changed that the men of San Francisco went from creating vigilante groups to being afraid to even tweet about crime?
+ What would happen if a few meth dealers were publicly hung?
*Update* - For those who are confused, I am not advocating for public hangings.
— Michelle Tandler (@michelletandler) April 10, 2023
I've been reading The Barbary Coast (a book about crime in SF after the Gold Rush) so it was top of mind.
With that said, I *do* believe that fentanyl & meth dealers should serve time in jail. pic.twitter.com/2T28BqRi5F
The repercussion: San Francisco's culture wars (the NIMBYs vs YIMBYs, police defunders vs funders and so on) have always been on the fringes of national discourse, quite frankly because the city isn't all that important, but now that the SV boys have a free reign on Twitter, this timeline is going to overwhelm us all. Non-stop.
Totally normal thing to tweet about on Easter. By the way Michelle worked with for McKinsey, which helped protect those who brought about the opioid crisis. https://t.co/bgE5HtGNkx
— Kal El ⚒️ (@CommunistKal) April 10, 2023
Rorschachs journal, April 9th, 2023. Easter Sunday... https://t.co/DVhQSo8skK pic.twitter.com/Vg4OiIZyU7
— apollo creeds feed & seed (formerly chucks) (@rip_cinema) April 13, 2023
5. When we consider whether executions, beatings, mass incarceration, etc are "uncivilized", the appropriate comparison is not an alternative punishment, but that alternative plus whatever brutality the absence of the original, harsher punishment implies. https://t.co/aO7DVGbqXB
— Kashî (@distant_summer) April 11, 2023
Adwait Patil
———
Read the previous edition of our One Main Character column, which included some guys — one who loves Bill Gates's style and another who thinks big headphones are a nuisance — alongside a terrible dad and a sports dude who has no idea how sports and taunting work.
Did we miss a main character from this week? Please send tips to [email protected].